Feeling… Crappy.

I think of this as a place where I can rant every once in a while, feels good to be able to share feelings sometimes. Today I’m feeling very crappy… sad crappy, not sick crappy.

It all started in the car. I commute to work with my dad since we work together (that’s a whole other thing to talk about haha) and last week I started getting a few phone interviews. He likes to give me advice and that’s cool. But this morning I was not feeling work advice, I wasn’t even feeling work. I’m still not.

Anyway, when my dad starts talking he doesn’t stop. He can talk for a straight hour non-stop and not even pause long enough for a real response. So he went on about looking for jobs and interview questions and how he doesn’t want me stuck at my job now. The problem is… I kind of am. He, unintentionally, made me feel really crappy about where I am in my life. I know I need a raise, but I can’t force my boss (who is a family friend.. another totally different story) to give me one. He says I should be salaried, I agree, but I can’t force them to make me salaried.

My job started as social media, I’ve grown to do just about everything. He thinks the social media aspect isn’t very important, and maybe in our business it really isn’t, but if I go look for another job that’s what I’m going to be looking for. I can’t just stop doing what I’m doing because he doesn’t think it’s important. He told me to create files and leave them on my desk. I don’t want a desk full of stuff, I have all my files digitally. He wants me to remove my ‘nail stuff’ from my desk, which I’m assuming he’s referring to my lotion and cuticle oil. He wants me to stop telling people I’ll have work done in a few minutes, which I stopped doing. He wants me to pretend to be busy? Sure, I’ll scroll through my emails for hours if he wants. I do things and work with a lot of people, but if no one seems to care.

Overall, he just made me feel like garbage. I said maybe three words in the car. I very much did not want advice at that moment. He realized I wasn’t saying much and asked if I had anything to say, I just said he was right, because, no, I did not have anything to add. He then knew I was upset and asked if I was okay, I said I was tired, because, no, I didn’t want to talk about it or anything.

So we get to work and after all of that why would I want to do any work in the first place? I didn’t but I slugged along and did it.

I’m feeling a little better now because I forced myself not to be upset at work. I don’t want people to ask me what’s wrong, because I still don’t want to talk. I’m kind of just sticking to myself, not really talking, hoping this day goes by faster than the commute. I’m just dreading the commute back.

Hopefully it’s not as tense in here by the end of the day. Bleh.

Thank you to the interwebs for letting me rant in peace! And thank you to anyone who read it 🙂

Advertisements